3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
