he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
