do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
