What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
