You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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