I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
