Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
