respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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