wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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