I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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