Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
