It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
