There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
