i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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