I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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