Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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