u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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