Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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