So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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