Are we in a gay sports bar?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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