i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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