this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
