Its about making memories worth repressing
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
