I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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