don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Found the puke drawer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
