I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
