Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
