i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
