It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
