you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
