I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
