I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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