im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
