I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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