i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
