I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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