I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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