I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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