Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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