And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
