Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Drunk is a universal language darling
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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