i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
