I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
