I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
