My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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