i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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