I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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