Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
