He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
