I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
