Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
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